Casualty List for the ALIENS Marines

First Contact

1. Corporal Dietrich (Cynthia Dale Scott) -- Yanked into the dark by a camoflauged alien bastard.

2. Private Frost (Ricco Ross) -- Set ablaze by Dietrich's flamthrower, falls down a giant shaft, explodes with a lot of ammo strapped to his back. Ouch.

3. Private Crowe (Tip Tipping) -- Killed instantly in the explosion.

4. Private Wierzbowski (Trevor Steedman) -- Dispatched off-screen (but loudly) in the subsequent confusion.

The Firefight

5. Sergeant Apone (Al Matthews) -- Grabbed by aliens while waiting for his moron lieutenant to get a clue.

6. Private Drake (Mark Rolston) -- Mega-sprayed by a shower of acid-blood just as he was about to escape. 

No Escape

7. Private Spunkmeyer (Daniel Kash) -- Devoured off-screen while prepping the drop-ship for evac.

8. Corporal Ferro (Colette Hiller) -- Savaged by aliens as she prepares to set the drop-ship down.

The Siege

9. Private Hudson (Bill Paxton) -- Pulled to a satisfyingly heroic death when the aliens break through the floor (and the ceiling) of home base.

** Layman Carter J. Burke (Paul Reiser) -- Whacked by an alien mouth while sweating and cringing like the pathetic worm he so definitely is.

10. Private Vasquez (Jenette Goldstein) -- Blown up while trying to save her clueless lieutenant from a sticky demise.

11. Lieutenant Gorman (William Hope) -- Blown up by Vasquez when the rescue attempt fails. At least the idiot took a few aliens with him.

Phrases Coined at Film Festivals

1. "Blogborg" -- A group of three or more movie bloggers who attend a film festival and do (literally) everything together. Walk, talk, chew, twitter, same screenings, same shuttles, same lodgings, same opinions, etc.

The phrase was created when I imagined what would happen if you tried to separate any of the blogborg. I pictured something like a cross between the '78 Body Snatchers shriek and a loud Jawa sound.

2. "Mood Pocket" -- (sing) If you are in the mood to be a dick, dude ... whadaaya gonna blame? MOOD POCKET! When you wanna throw a fit and behave like shit ... whaddaya gona have? MOOD POCKET! (now available in sour grape flavor)

Phrase was coined by Jeffrey Wells in relation to an incident in which a film blogger acted like a big weiner and screwed his festival hosts pretty bad, only to later blame it on a tasty, convenient, and microwavable MOOD POCKET!

3. "Millennium Falcon" -- An astonishingly bad movie.

Dumb but true story: Childress and I were leaving a ROTTEN movie at one of the many festivals we've attended together. Without even thinking about it I said "Ugh, now I know how Luke felt the first time he saw the Millennium Falcon."

Without missing a BEAT, Childress whined (in his best Mark Hamill voice): "What a PIECE of JUNK!" And then we both laughed like nerds for an hour.

4. "Film School Masturbation" -- Another phrase coined by Childress. Can be used to describe any "avant-garde" film (short or, ugh, feature) that values weirdness and artsy-fartsy-ness above all else. Especially plot. The phrase came into heavy usage after we saw an entire Matthew Barney film.

5. "Spunbad?" -- If something is "Spunbad," it's not even worth seeing for the sheer awfulness of the thing. Inspired by the mega-Spunbad film Spun.

6. "Nerd Vultures" -- Those (few but annoying) publicists who eavesdrop and then POUNCE on the critics immediately after a screening. You can be honest with these guys about your opinions on the film, but the best way to get them to leave is to begin TALKING like a film critic. Works every time.

7. "Fancy Party" -- A party that many press members often WANT to go to, but generally have a miserable time at if they happen to swing an invite, and then spend the next few hours bored and wishing they'd stayed back at the hotel to write. Also see: Parties.

8. "Brass Balls!" -- Used to indicate a very GOOD pre-movie festival promo video. Inspired by this.

9. "Ugh, this again." -- Used to indicate a very BAD pre-movie festival promo video. Inspired by 92% of them.

... to be continued!

And NO, he's NOT named for Indiana Jones!

Yes, I have several friends. Human ones. But today isn't about them. Today is about a fuzzy grey creature who often sleeps on my bed.


Since he was adopted (from beneath a dumpster), I really have no idea how old Jones is. The vet told me his actual birth-day was somewhere near the end of January, and so I made 2/1 his official birthday.

I've had cats and dogs my whole life, but Jones is (far and away) the coolest pet I've ever known. He's smart and funny and knows how to SHUT UP when a movie is on. Jones is now one year old.




Happy Birthday, buddy! I'm off to get you some catnip, sir.

Hi from Sundance

Between writing junk for Cinematical, FEARnet, and (umm) Twitter, I've been remiss in my personal blogtivity. So for the 1.4 who may have noticed, here's a list of what I've seen so far:

Grace (review)
The Killing Room (review)
Dead Snow (review)
Moon (review)

When You're Strange (review)
Five Minutes of Heaven (review)
Good Hair (review)
The Informers (review)
Brief Interviews with Hideous Men (review)
Black Dynamite (review)
Bronson (review)
In the Loop (not reviewing, but it's very trenchantly venomously profanely funny)
500 Days of Summer (sorta review)
World's Greatest Dad (review)
Dare (not reviewing cuz I walked out. I'm professional that way.)
Nollywood Babylon
An Education
Endgame
Stingray Sam
The Cove (review)

...and a few more I can't remember right now, plus I have a fistful of cool-looking Slamdance screeners, and that equals more movies to watch. Always a good thing. Plus one of 'em is called GRAPHIC SEXUAL HORROR, which I might have my mom review for me.